Along the way, the Ox was bothered by little bugs and flies that were dining on his hide. Soon a Crow came to eat the bugs that were bothering the Ox. The Crow decided to stay and help the Ox on his journey and started asking questions about where he was going and why. The Ox told him of the message he was sent to deliver to man. This weighed heavy on the Crow’s mind because he and all the other smaller animals and birds of the forest lived heartily off of the excess of man. The Crow begged the Ox to not deliver the message or to at least alter the message so he and the other creatures would not perish. The Ox told the Crow that he would consider his request, but the Ox decided that the gods knew what was best and didn’t want to suffer their wrath.
The Ox arrived to man and told them of the warning from the gods. Man immediately took the warning to heart and began only making what was necessary for them to eat and made sure that all of their food was ate so as not to waste anything. The Crow sat nearby on a tree limb and thought about the Ox and how he had condemned them to death by delivering his message. Slowly the birds and small animals of the world started dying out. Man started noticing that the birds did not sing any more and the little creatures did not come around them like they used to. Man sent their strongest warrior into the woods to find out what was wrong with the animals. The warrior found the Crow sitting at the bottom of a tree, barely alive. He sat down and talked to the Crow and found out what the Ox had done.
American Crow. Source: Wikimedia Commons.
The warrior went back to man and told them what he had learned from the Crow and they decided that they would find the Ox and make him pay for what he made them do. It didn’t take much looking to find the Ox since he was grazing on a field nearby. Man caught the Ox and brought him back to their villages and made him work for penance for what he had done.
Authors Note: This story is about how the Ox was sent to mankind to warn them about their wasteful ways. On the way a Crow convinced the Ox not to warn man because he and the other birds and wildlife fed off of man’s spoils. In the story, the Ox doesn’t tell the humans what he is sent to tell them, but I thought it would be an interesting butterfly effect for the other animals of Earth if he had ignored the Crow and told mankind anyway.
Bibliography: Folk Tales of the Kasis, KU Rafy, 1920. Web Source: Mythology and Folklore UnTextbook
I think your idea to change up the ending of the original story was a great literary tactic! It really made the story your own and gave it a definite spin. The paragraph transitions were very smooth and made the story lighthearted and easy to read. It was really easy to see the emotional focus of the story: the "pollution" of man. Although the pollution was a more natural pollution from the excess of man's food, I thought it was interesting that the the gods viewed that as negative. I thought your story was very concise and well written, but if I had to make any suggestions, I would say maybe to add a little bit of dialogue. I think by adding specific dialogue between the ox and the crow, and maybe the ox and the gods would add a little bit of personality between each of the characters. However, I think you did a great job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the evaluation! It's hard to be creative once a week, so I'm glad I'm hanging in there. I agree on the dialogue critique! I actually stink at writing dialogue, so I avoid it like the plague, but do need to start trying it out more. I will try to do that with my next story. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteHey Nicole! Very interesting story! I like how you brought it from a different perspective and showed the story in way it could have been if the ox would've listened to the crow. I liked how it was short and to the point. The simpleness made it very interesting throughout the entire story. Good job and thanks for the good read!
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting spin from the original story! I am a huge buffer fly effect fan, so the conclusion was very enjoyable for me. I liked the crow character quite a bit. He seems like his is a very liked creature. He helps others out and seems to be smart. I also liked how the humans realized the warning was wrong in the end. Regardless of the ox's decision, the humans still were able to learn about the consequences.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the twist you decided to make in this story. It's interesting to think about animals being able to survive somewhat as a byproduct of our wastefulness. I wonder what the motivation of the original author was to send that sort of message? It does make me feel a little bit better the meals I've failed to finish over my life time haha.
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